Update... I know... It's been forever

Busy Busy Busy... Thats how these past few months have been... We had two fundraisers at work, an employee quit, I got a semi-promotion... been working my butt off to try to make ends meet... John's been going to school and trying to get done, he's also been giving speeches for Schreiner's Scholarship programs... All the while working as much as we can to make ends meet.

Things haven't been easy, but we are working through everything... Everyday our relationship gets better and we are one day closer to our WEDDING DAY! Under a year left. We are working on our wedding website... That will be up and running in a few days.

I recently had my first paying customer for J. Rose Photography! (Yay me!) Although I still haven't finished editing them because i've been working so much I havent had two seconds to work on it.

I've started a new blog (that will get updated alot more than this one) but i've started a journey to become my BEST self. I'm on a journey to self discovery, wellness, and health :). It's all very exciting. So check out my new blog at www.reshape-your-life.blogspot.com :)

Thats all for now. Oh, and Congratulations Jenny & Corey... I have a new baby Nephew... Ian :)

ciao.

Stepping Into The Light

"Gracie" By: Jillian Harris

Stepping into the light: There are so many things "stepping into the light" can mean, to me (right now) it means to step up and be an adult... And the twenty-something side of me is screaming for me not to, but the adult in me is telling me to move on... It's a hard balance, being fun and young and being responsible and comfortable. Right now I am stuck between a rock and a hard place, money is TIGHT and I by tight I mean, well, it's actually not even tight, there just isn't enough of it. Plain and simple. It's nearly impossible to stay ontop of all of our bills right now (The Rock... and it's not going ANYWHERE). There is the simple explaination, get a second job... (And here's the hard place) I already work nearly 40 hours a week, and any "spare" time I have I am usually sleeping because I get EXHAUSTED after a weeks work (well the hard week anyway, working 7 days straight.) But the adult in me says "Just get the damn job! Life will be COMFORTABLE financially." But the lazy twenty something year old in me is telling me to "Shut up! I need some rest once in a while!" Both are technically true... I can reason with my Adult side a little better on this one... But then to throw another wrench into the mix... I'm trying to start my own photography business, but I hardly have the time to sit down and figure THAT out with my schedule as is... and if my photography business worked, even a little (2-3 sessions a month OR one wedding) It would pay even better than a "regular" second job (with fewer hours!) So then I wonder... What the HELL should I do...

I guess it's obvious. Suck it up and get the second job, work your ass off to get that photography business going and ride the THREE jobs out until the photography business gains enough momentum to stand alone as the second job... But HOLY CRAP will that be ALOT of hours! I guess great things come from hard work (and a whole lot of it).

I went to bed pretty early last night, so here I am at now 5:00 in the morning obsessing over money... Maybe it's because we only have $5 in our bank account, and that needs to last 10 days? Maybe it's because I have some late credit card payments? Or we have nothing to eat but rice and crackers?

Want to know the truth? I woke up at 4:00 this morning and realized... We can make it. I get paid next monday... We have nearly full tanks of gas, a ton of rice, enough ramen to last a week... And we can pay rent and pay most of the bills then, and THEN Beth and Gary have gifted us two boxes of Angel Food (a church program to help with cost of food by buying in bulk and distributing it for $30 a box) which will last us probably three weeks to a month! Things aren't really that bad at all! (Which is a nice feeling at 4:00 in the morning!) And I am suddenly filled with hope, and I can now go out (at a reasonable hour) and go apply for a stupid job at walmart or HEB because THEN we can be comfortable, pay off out debts, GET AHEAD... Yea I'll be stinkin tired... But at least I won't be exhausted because of STRESS! I'll keep the job I LOVE, and when it all comes down to it.... It's only temporary. Isn't everything only temporary anyway? Nothing terrible lasts forever, have you ever noticed that? Not even in your memory... as time goes by, that terrible relationship you had in high school, what do you remember? Playing mario brothers on nintendo and laughing half the night... not all of the stupid arguements. Growing up... what do I remember?? Having the BEST TIMES that I have ever had every weekend with my father... I don't remember how sad and terrible those first months after my parents separation were (I honestly can't remember anything terrible at all)...

There is no sense in being negative anyway... I don't want negative things in my life... I want positive... to get positive I must give positive. Man. I can be so insightful in the morning!

So raise your glass of orange juice (or iced tea, or coffee, or green tea... whatever it may be) and cheers to positivity! Nothing can get me down today. And that's a promise. :)

(I'll honestly post more often... I've got to keep you updated and maybe even re-energize you with my positivity ;) )

I miss you all and love you soo much!

Change is coming...

"Oh change is in the air: and you wear it oh so well..." that is a line from a blue merle song called Every Ship Must Sail Away, and it seems to fit. It's been a while since my last post, and that's mostly because I've been so freaking busy going about my life and just trucking on and not even taking a SECOND to smell the freaking roses (or pretty texas wildflowers in this case). I was going full speed to NOWHERE, you can't go anywhere if you aren't listening to yourself, and especially if you aren't aware of what is going on around you.

I felt really disconnected, a little numb, and very much alone... and I couldnt figure out why... I was living my life, going about my day to day... I was there... but I wasn't LISTENING! I got so caught up in the "get up, go to work, make money, come home, eat dinner, shower, sleep.... rinse, and repeat" routine that I forgot that this is my LIFE! LIVE IT! I can't go about my days WAITING for change... If I want change I need to bring change into my life. I hadn't ridden a horse in SIX MONTHS! That is the longest I have been without riding in FOURTEEN YEARS! There is something wrong with that, but we are on a TIGHT budget, so it had to be cheap... (read: FREE), so I sent out emails to every barn within 100 miles, including a little private farm in Kerrville (22 miles away... i.e the closest neighboring town). And Miss Cindy of Kerrville is not only letting me work in exchange for free riding lessons on her gorgeous warmbloods imported from Germany, with heritage in Sydney Olympic horses, BUT she is also letting me meet/watch a clinic with Mr. Walter Zettle German Riding Master (author of a riding text book from school) LEGEND! So this is starting to feel pretty good... Very sore in the process, I've lost alot of muscle, and Cindy won't let me get away with using the wrong ones, I will ride like Walter taught her or I will not ride at all! (I like her!)

I also want to get out of this house, although I love his family, living in this close of quarters for an extended period of time, things get a little.... tense. So we have kicked up the apartment search to full force, looking at anything and everything in our pricerange... to much dismay I might add... THEN a ray of light shone down on a little apartment complex called Brentwood Oaks, a gated apartment complex that has rent subsidized housing for "lower" income families (like JC and I!), at first we were told we didn't qualify, then we went back and found out the real information... We DO qualify! So we are in the application process as we speak, hoping we will hear some GREAT news today or tomorrow. ::fingers crossed:: Send positive thoughts to us! Another CHANGE I am starting to create my own photography business. I will be photographing my second wedding this weekend, and hopefully there will be business cards, brochures, and a webpage up and running soon. I will keep you posted on all of that.

In the meantime: I'm stuck waiting... I hate waiting... I hate feeling held back. Why am I waiting you ask? Because in order to get into the apartment complex we need to make a certain amount of money. However, to pay our bills, loans, debt, and supposed apartment... we need to make a good amount more money... and since the photo biz won't be all that successful for a while, a second job is to be had... but the second job must wait until we get INTO the apartment. Once we're in we're good... It's just getting into it that is tough... But I want to make so many more changes, but I wait... and wait... Why when you're trying to move forward and get ahead do you ALWAYS have to wait on something... and why do we have to put so much importance on money?! Why do we always say "it would be so much better if I had some money?!" I say it all the time... no wonder I don't have any! So I'm turing over a new leaf! Positive thoughts all around!! I have everything I need, and I'll be moving into an apartment VERY SHORTLY!

I'll keep you posted (for real this time)... more to come later.

Love you all and miss you greatly!

Jillian

My Little Boy Is Gone...

Meet Hopkins: For those of you who don't know, this is the little boy who changed my life. The little boy who stole my heart, and will be in my heart forever. Hopkins is a special kitty who I nick-named my "floppy cat". He has Cerebellar Hypoplasia, a neurologic disorder that hinders his brain from clearly telling his body what to do, in short he has the kitty version of Cerebal Palsy. And for those who know, it is a disorder very close to my heart, this little kitty is no exception. In my few short weeks at the Hill Country SPCA this little boy was my pride and joy, he has special needs and wasn't like the other cats, but that didn't stop him... He didn't even know he was different. He would flop around the kitten room, attack my flip-flopped feet, and "guard" the dust pan while I was sweeping. Since he couldn't climb, nor was he allowed to be put up high since a long fall could injure him greatly, I would take the time to make little "kitty forts" for him to hide in and play around. As the kittens got adopted the group dwindled to two... Hopkins and Geronimo (a very handsome orange kitty) I spent more and more time with them, playing and taking care of Hopkins. Because of his disorder he would often get "litter balls" stuck on his bum, so everyday I would clean him up, brush out his tail and clean off his feet. I fell in love with him. My handsome little man... I would even stop by on my days off to see him. I decided if by the time J.C. and I got an apartment, if Hopkins was still at the shelter, we would take him home. Things were looking good for our "family"... we are in hot pursuit of a place to live, and our little boy was stealing our hearts more every day. Until, at four months old... The evening of August 10th Hopkins choked on his food, vomited, and asparhated it. He was rushed to the vet that evening, but sadly didn't make it through the night. I returned to work on Monday to receive the bad news. After a very long and sad Monday, alot of tears, and a lot of thought, I am doing better. Kristie (my boss) and I feel he choked because of his disorder, and it was something that was bound to happen eventually. Though we are devastated by his untimely end... we all agree it was better now, than if he had truely become part of our "Family". But his life has touched me, he has changed me... and I thank him for that. He was in my life for a reason, and I wanted to share his story. This little man touched my heart... and there he will stay.

Rest in peace my little man....

It's Been Two Months

A great two months... not saying they were perfect, not by any means. But two amazing months. For those who don't know I did get that job I was talking about. I have a wonderful job at the Hill Country SPCA, I am loving it. I am happy at work, I'm excited to go to work. Quite frankly I'm a little obssessed with my job, I go home and dream about the animals I care for. But I love it, and so far it's paying the bills! Check out the happenings and the wonderful animals at www.hillcountryspca.com

Alot has happened since my last blog...

We never went to Six Flags that weekend, we were poor and decided to be financially responsible. But then Graham decided he wanted to go camping during the full moon, and wanted us to go. So he paid for us to go camping overnight at Enchanted Rock... which is essentially a gigantic granite rock that forms this large mountain-y hill, that has camp sites around the base. Well since Graham was paying for us to go camping with him, we let him pick the camp site. He wanted to "rough it" over night and then do a "night climb"... so of course he picks the camp site that is TWO MILES from the parking lot. So we haul ALL of our stuff out two miles (this including a cooler with water and other drinks and snacks... a tent... clothes for the next day... cameras... flashlights... mattress pads... you name it. After a guelling two mile walk in the setting sun we set up camp. Then waited around for it to get dark... (which is around 9 here... sometimes later) It finally gets dark, and I'm starting to get scared (I'm afraid of the dark... little critters... big critters... snakes... spiders... scorpions... you name it really) So we start our hike to the base of the rock, which coincidentally is RIGHT NEXT TO THE PARKING LOT... on our way back we saw deer, wolf spiders and an ARMADILLO!!... so two miles back to the parking lot, then we start the "climb" up to the top... I put "climb" in quotes because it's really not that steep, its more like a well groomed trail to the top... It's more a hill than a mountain. And as we're climbing the base the "full" moon (it was actually the day after the full moon, but we won't get technical) came out. It was so bright against the granite rock we were able to turn off our flashlights. After passing a group of hikers decending we hit the steeper part of the rock, near the top. It was probably 11 by now, and I was tired and slightly cranky... but I couldn't help but look at the view! The hilly surroundings were in silhouette, the moon and the stars were shining bright in the dark surrounding wilderness, and the moonlights reflecting off the granite... it was beautiful! It made the whole trip worthwhile. I took some cool silhouette shots in the moonlight (i.e. the "cover" of this blog). They came out really cool. Still doesnt capture the beauty of the night however. After our wonderful night climb we scurried back to our campsite and wound down enough to finally get to bed.

Earlier that week we got the news that Sarah (J.C.'s cousin) is pregnant! After hearing all of that excitement (and their joy of having a baby together) the next week her boyfriend, Justin, proposed. Then only a couple days after announcing their engagement they decided to get married on June 30th. Which was 5 days away. Sarah didn't want to wait until she was showing, and they both knew from experience that the longer the engagement is the bigger the wedding gets! So they planned a lovely backyard wedding in Grandmother's garden. With only 5 days to plan the house was quite busy, everyone pitched in in some way. I was asked to be the "official" wedding photographer. I was honored. I took the challenge head on and with only minimal stress I photographed her wedding. I have uploaded some of them (there were 400!) onto snapfish. The link is below. She absolutely loved them! (Thank goodness!) In all the wedding frenzy my pictures were shown to most of Fredericksburg, with great praise. The family kept telling me how good they were, and how I could make alot of extra money doing this... and on and on... and it got me thinking. Maybe that was a good idea... Then I read one of Jodi's blogs (The Pie In The Sky) http://www.roadgoing-gypsies.blogspot.com/ and it REALLY made me think... why not now? Why was I thinking maybe it was something I could do later? Why not now? So here I am... It's still very much just a wild idea... but maybe it's the "million dollar idea" I've been visualizing forever now. Maybe I am good enough... and maybe I'm not... but the only way to get better is to TRY. So...

HERE GOES NOTHING!

There's no sense in being afraid of failing... because being afraid to fail is being afraid to succeed. And maybe thats been the problem all along. Maybe I'm afraid to have everything I've ever wanted. When I was in first grade (before I knew of horses) I wanted to be an artist. Now here I am OUT freaking WEST where I can finally mesh my two loves together! I live in a tourist town for pete's sake... maybe I can sell some prints in an art gallery... there's only about a million in town. I can take pictures of weddings, pets, HORSES!, the great outdoors. Combine every interest i've ever had... and capture it forever. What an exciting possibility! It's the first idea that has really struck me this positively since my decision to move to Texas...

Lets see where this road may lead...

Click Below To View Sarah's Pictures

http://www2.snapfish.com/thumbnailshare/AlbumID=239871232/a=81307766/t_=81307766

A Little Update... I'm not ignoring ya'll!

I promise I'm not. The power cord on my computer has hit the bucket, so I am temporarily computerless (well, not exactly, the household computer does fine) but none of my pictures or files are on it... so therefore, I am never on it. So I'm just writing to say that all is going great in the hill country! J.C. and I are still very much in love, a more real love though. haha. Yes we have our stupid fights, we bicker, we make-up, and then giggle about it like two year olds. Isn't love sweet? :) Last weekend we had a great time, he had the 4th off, so we went to the parade in the morning, then hung around for a bit playing play station, then went to Joe's Italian Grille for dinner, then headed to the Hangar Hotel to watch the fireworks, accompanied by a Johnny Cash cover band. It was a GREAT night. We sat on the back of Greenbean (his not so lovely truck) and watched the fireworks, then had a drink and listened to a very convincing Johnny Cash play my favorite songs. We then went to Auslander (a local restaurant with live music) to visit with Graham and his friends and listen to some more live music. We slept in and went to a very late breakfast at Denny's (it was noon) then relaxed the rest of the day playing Gun (a western play station game). We went bowling on Saturday night, which was a GREAT night! We played four games (not very well I might add), even with bumpers I lost 3 out of 4 games! But it was a great time. Sunday we went to support Bailey and Sarah in their musical they've been working on for the last month "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat". It was a very colorful play, with great singing and quite a few funny moments. All in all it was a great weekend.

This weekend we don't have many plans, but we are planning on heading to Six Flags in San Antonio on Sunday with Graham, I'll update ya'll with the rest of our weekend as it unfolds as soon as I can get to a computer. Gary is trying to hook me up with something for the time being. (It's great to still have a computer wiz in the family!)

I love you all and miss you so much!!! I'll keep you posted!

oh and ps. I will find out about a job next week, my interview went really well. It wouldnt be my 'forever" job, but I think it is a great start in heading in the right direction. It's hard starting from scratch and not having the contacts you're used to having! But I'm feeling really good about it. And my boss would have the same degree I do! So lets keep our fingers crosses, and our thoughts positive! :)